"Brooks Kieschnick (1996-1997) was a novelty. Step right up and see the amazing pitcher who hits! Or if that don’t tickle your fancy, come see the freakish hitter who pitches! Kieschnick was like Carlos Zambrano, but not as good at pitching. Or like Doug Dascenzo, but not as good at hitting. He was a slightly better pitcher than a hitter, so GUESS HOW THE CUBS USED HIM. Nevertheless, Kieschnick’s ability to be not-quite-terrible at two positions earns him a spot in the bullpen on the Best Bad Cubs Team of My Time."